80's Love Songs and KY Jelly

It's that time of year again when employees around the world are forced to do the White Elephant gift exchange game with their peers.  If you're looking for ideas on what to get for yours, here's one:

My boss was 4 feet tall, red-headed, insecure and hated other women.  In a department of her hand-picked men, I was the lone female.  I guess she kept me around because I was good at my job, but really I think it was her sheer joy in letting her inner bitch out on me.  Stuff like not inviting me to group lunches, "forgetting" to include me in important email exchanges and meetings.  She wasn't the first insecure woman I'd worked for and the first one was no picnic either.  

Christmas time came around and it was time for the department White Elephant party.  Boss Bitch took us to a nice restaurant where I had to suffer through the boys kissing up to her shamelessly.  She didn't mind, the male attention for her was intoxicating.  I quietly sipped my cocktail and smiled along.  Then came time for the gift exchange.  Boss Bitch was known for giving humorous gifts to match her twisted unique sense of humor, but then again that's the fun of the whole concept.  I played it straight and brought a wine bottle opener or something like that.  I was geared up and ready to tolerate it all nonetheless.

When it came to my turn, I had options.  I could steal the caramel popcorn the guy next to me had or I could pick a new gift.  I decided to go for it -- pick a new one.  I ran my hand over the pile of packages, feeling their vibes.  I picked the one with the dowdiest paper, thinking it was probably my assistant's.  I opened the package to find an '80's smooth love songs CD and a pack of KY Jelly in various flavors.  I looked up at Boss Bitch, who was laughing so hard and loud she was snorting.  She had been waiting all night for this moment and somehow, randomly, I was the lucky recipient.  The whole table was in stitches, yet I felt strangely violated.  Isn't this harassment, I wondered?  Why me?  Why didn't I just take the popcorn?

Boss Bitch must've felt bad later because she tried to steal her gift back when it was her turn.  But I wouldn't let go of my prize, no no.  I took it home and showed it to DH, who reminded me to start looking for a new job, right after depositing my gift in the trash.