Storytime Nazi

A friend told me about storytime at the neighborhood library.  The blurb on their leaflet promises finger puppets, games and other thrills, in addition to exciting book readings.  So I figured LO would get a kick out of this even if she's too young to do much, just seeing the other kids and the colorful materials would be exciting for her.  And I would feel like a good Mommy knowing I exposed her to something other than our living room.

The plan was set -- I'd meet my friend and her 5-month-old there.  LO must've overheard me making plans because whenever I do, she manages to go down for her nap late, thus pushing back everything else in the day.  As soon as she started to stir, I whisked her out of her crib, threw a fresh diaper and clean clothes on her and blew out of the house.  We were missing the beginning of storytime and LO would be lost the rest of the session not having heard the opening to the story.  Parking was impossible, but I muscled my way into a space a block over and wheeled LO into the library, sprinting through the alarm sensors, slowing only to ask which way to go.  I was directed to a special room around the corner.

The special room had industrial carpeting and plain walls.  Not one piece of artwork, posters, nothing.  Just a table with a few books on it.  There were only four kids and two adults aside from my friend and her baby.  At the head of the room, in front of the table, was the STORY NAZI, a husky-voiced, portly librarian of Asian descent in her 40's.  She was reading a book about green monsters (green was the theme) adding as much characterization as she could muster to every syllable.  This was her moment to shine -- no matter that there were only a few listeners -- and she wasn't going to share the spotlight.  We wheeled in and took a seat next to my friend.  This followed by the usual hey how are ya's and my explanation of why we were late, all at a whisper of course.  Story Nazi shot me a look.  Clearly I was distracting.

So I settled in and held LO in my lap.  After a few seconds, she got restless.  She became fascinated with my friend's baby, but instead of shouting ba-by repeatedly, LO seemed to know it was quiet time.  My friend, on the other hand, kept saying stuff to me.  I used to hate this in school -- you're on the verge of getting in trouble in class for talking and your friend keeps talking to you.  Even though you're minding your own business and being quiet, your friend gets you both in trouble by association.  Really unfair.  And so it was with Story Nazi.  She scowled at me again, snapping the book shut when she was finished.  Great, I thought to myself, I'm about to be the one reprimanded at storytime while LO was behaving perfectly.  Where were the finger puppets, anyway?  I was bored.  Instead of being exciting, Story Nazi's over-enthusiastic reading was just plain awkward and, quite frankly, a little scary.  I had to get out of there.  Perhaps sensing my unrest, she let the adults choose the next book.  But I wasn't gonna fall for that one and kept my mouth shut.  Afterward, she suggested my friend and I try the Wednesday hour for babies and toddlers.  I told her I'd think about it.